Emotional dependence is a phenomenon in which a person feels dependent on another person-a spouse, relative or client. Emotional dependence should not be confused with dependence in the good sense of the word, that is, a sense of community and unity. This is a painful and difficult pattern of behavior that causes a person to suffer. Its roots lie in childhood, in the relationship with her mother.
Emotional dependence is accompanied by a number of signs that have individual differences and often go from extreme to extreme. A dependent person can be indecisive, self-dependent, fearful and disorganized. Such a person is sympathetic to other people, and he is guided by other people's patterns. In addition, he belittles himself, often he asks what others think of him. He often changes his mind, following others, trying to gain approval and support.
In another form of manifestation of dependence, there is a disease in which a person owns himself, is confident in himself, is imperious and always thinks soberly. He demands perfection from himself, obsessively cares and helps, takes responsibility for other people, but not for his well-being. He devotes his life to others.
The causes of emotional dependence are often a weak self-image and a negative sense of self. Being afraid to get disapproval, emotionally dependent person does not dare to refuse others, so in relationships between people and at work he can be exploited. It is difficult for him to maintain an even relationship with others, and he can not stand being alone. On the other hand, he may be afraid of intimacy. The most important factors are emotional problems. Emotionally dependent people find it difficult to understand their feelings and needs, so they are often depressed, stressed or lose their taste for life.
At the heart of emotional dependence can be experienced in childhood a sense of uselessness, helplessness, lack of support and courage, excessive demands on the part of parents or, conversely, excessive permissiveness. An emotionally dependent person can be a drug-addicted child or spouse. As a rule, he works in the service sector.
You notice that you think a lot more about him than you do about yourself. Your consciousness is narrowed: the former interests, Hobbies cease to be interested in. Your "I" as if it weakens, You find it difficult in any way to deny this man. His successes and achievements become more valuable to You than your own. It even comes to the point that Your actions, behavior depend on his approval or disapproval.
You have a constant sense of anxiety about your relationship. In separation from this person, You can experience a real "breaking", you feel bad, all thoughts are only about him. The deterioration of the relationship causes you a strong fear of losing it, strong anxiety, depression, a decrease in self-worth. Your self-esteem is determined by his attitude towards You.
You're terrified of his disapproval. Sometimes You want to kind of merge with him.
For recovery, it is necessary to strive for a healthy adult life, where there is a relationship of interaction, the ability to resist other people's pressure, to reckon with others and take care of them without compromising yourself. This also includes finding a purpose in life, free choice and responsibility. It is also important to feel your ability to influence circumstances on your own.
It is important to define your sense of self: the idea of your "I", their qualities, needs and feelings. In the course of recovery, there is a meeting with the "child within" (spontaneity, sensitivity, imagination, vulnerability). It strengthens self-attention, self-care and self-esteem, as well as spirituality. For recovery it is necessary to perceive calmly the natural course of life. Let's learn to live in our own way.
It is necessary to realize their interests, to realize their, perhaps weak creative drives.
First of all, you need to be able to outline your personal space, separate your own interests from the interests of a loved one, from the interests of the family and realize your own individual importance. Not to be someone's daughter, wife, girlfriend, but to become your own independent individual personality.
Having become free from codependency, a person builds adequate healthy relationships and receives joy and satisfaction from them instead of the previous suffering. Thus, by changing yourself, you can change the attitude of your loved ones and others. and remove the emotional dependence on the person
In dependence, the attitude of the dependent woman is such that she does everything to get approval from the man. The behavior of a dependent woman is dictated by the emotional reactions of a man.
In a Mature love relationship, the attitude of the woman is directed to the care, support of the man, but the woman is able to say "no", i.e. her own individual personality structure is preserved.
Self-esteem dependent woman depends on the behavior, condition of men. Moreover, any changes in the behavior of men dependent woman perceives as related to her, and does not realize that it is caused, for example, trouble at work, fatigue men, etc.self-esteem dependent woman falls with disapproving reaction of men and increases with her approval of them.
Self-esteem in Mature love relationships in women adequate, stable, high enough. Such an independent woman is able to distinguish between her own opinion of herself and the judgment of a man about her, and her own opinion of herself prevails and is quite stable.
The self-relation of a dependent woman depends directly on the attitude of a man towards her. Ie how he feels about her, and she would be treated. Even the behavior of a man dependent woman attributes to herself, ie, as it takes responsibility for his behavior, state and refuses to subconsciously be responsible for their behavior, state.
The self-relation at Mature love relations remains at the woman steady enough, and she is able to distinguish the relation to itself and the relation to it of the man, and the relation to itself at the woman prevails over the relation to it of the man.
The mood of the dependent woman is anxious and depressive, there is a psychological tension, the mood is wary, waiting for emotional reactions to it from the man.
Mood at Mature love relations equal, it is possible to tell, quite often raised.
In a dependent woman, the emphasis in a relationship is on herself: how does she look in the eyes of a man? How did he feel about her?
In a Mature love relationship the emphasis in women and in men at the attention and care to each other.
In a dependent woman, personal boundaries are erased, they do not seem to exist, there is no internal independent personal life.
In Mature love relationships, personal boundaries are present, a woman has an internal personal space, where only she manages her personal life and is responsible for it.
The consciousness of the dependent woman is narrowed, interest in former Hobbies, Hobbies is lost.
The life position of the dependent woman is the position of the "victim", in fact, her behavior is subordinated to the emotional reactions, the state of the man.
In a Mature love relationship, a woman has her own Hobbies, interests.
In a Mature love relationship, both the woman and the man have equal life positions, independent of each other, i.e. each has his own personal inner space for his individual independent life.
